Thanksgiving minus 364 days

It's been a year minus a day since I threw my thoughts out into the abyss. So here goes. Today is Thanksgiving Eve, and in the past- well, not for the last three years, since my husband died- I shopped and cooked and cleaned and lost my shit three or seven times to prep for a big, traditional family gathering. "Never again," Ralph would say as he moved tables and chairs as I had my hand up the butt of the largest turkey I could find. But we did do it again for 25 years -until we moved out of state in 2009. And then we moved again to Washington, and back to California and then outside Zion National Park, and we lived in our RV for three years and we bounced around and celebrated Thanksgiving here and there. Nothing traditional for almost 10 years, but it was exciting.

And then he died and my world changed. For two years it was touch and go. Not the same. But, before you stick your head in the oven alongside your turkey because of my pre-Thanksgiving mood, let me tell you that I am excited for tomorrow! Yes, this Thanksgiving I am in Vancouver, Canada. I'll be waking up early in the morning and grabbing an Uber and making my way up the hill with my mother to the University of British Columbia in what forecasters are predicting to be an epic rainstorm of a day. Because, in case you haven't heard, our son, Samuel will be walking in graduation to accept his Ph.D. Apparently, we can't call him "Dr. Reed," until he walks off the stage, but I can wait. He might not be wearing his cap and gown because of the weather- I don't care what he wears, he's getting that diploma. I will be sitting in the audience, wearing Ralph's Stetson, a mask, and five layers of clothes to keep warm. And crying. It's a big effing deal to get a Ph.D., and I will be celebrating in the style that my husband would have planned for us. Nope, Thanksgiving won't be the same, our daughter and her family are with her in-laws, my nieces and nephews will be with their families, but they are all proud of him. Nope, this Thanksgiving isn't the same, but it's pretty frigging great.